I Don't Want to Be a Pirate

Actually I do want to be a pirate... However....

Pretty standard week. Worked a lot, watched TV a lot, did nothing a lot... BUT I did create a Halloween version of my blog (for those of you reading in a reader, I suggest you go to the actual page to see the brilliance). Here's something to entice you:

Awesome, I know. And what do others think?

Couldn't help myself.

So anyway. In other Lauren news... I was creating a "Do All the Things" meme image and  was struggling with writing letters with a my laptop touch pad. I wondered if there's a Hyperbole and a Half font out there. Since I presumed that there isn't I wondered how fonts are actually made. Software probably right? Well I Googled the shit out of it it briefly and found a site with step by step instructions and what software to use.

I may create a Hyperbole and a Half font as well but FIRST I am making a blog you're about to read font! Yes, I'm making a font that's my "painstakingly frustrating letter writing with a mouse and or laptop touchpad" "handwriting."

I'm excited for if I'm successful because it will be way easier to put text on my pictures. I suppose I could just use an already created font, but where's the fun in that? So far I've made "a," "b," and "c." It's gonna take a while.

And if I make a Hyperbole and a Half font, be prepared for piles of Do All the Things meme images. Though I probably wouldn't post many on here. By the way, anyone who wants to start a blog you're about to read meme... I will LOVE YOU FOREVER!

Alright enough rambling, have a great week and a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Splendid! Chocolate Chip Meringue Cookies

I've always been the kinda girl who would like to eat healthy but can't be bothered to follow through. One day when I was at the store in the baking aisle buying sugar, I saw the vast array of Splenda products. I remembered seeing previously that they make a granulated variety so that people will buy it to bake with. I guess it's awesome for diabetics who will die if they eat sugar but I picked up a bag so that I could pretend that I'm eating healthier. 4 months later I found this recipe box at a store and remembered having that bag of sugar and yada yada yada, I finally made a recipe with Splenda! P.S. You can get these recipes on Splenda's website if you want to try more! Also I'm sure I will be making more in the near future. This one actually called for the Splenda sugar blend which is 50% real sugar. BTW I'm in no way making money from Splenda for this, just wanted to fill you in! 

Let me mention up top that they bake for 2 hours so plan ahead when making these! I chose to do their recipe for Chocolate Chip Meringue Crisps but I made it without walnuts and they came out different than the picture. While I'm still crediting Splenda for the recipe, I bring you my version of recipe:

Chocolate Chip Meringue Cookies

Ingredients:

2 Egg whites*

1/2 tsp Vanilla extract

1/2 c. Splenda® Sugar Blend

3/4 c Semisweet chocolate chips

parchment paper

Directions: 

1) Preheat oven to 200ºF.

2) Beat egg whites with vanilla at high speed until foamy.
3) Add sugar 1 tbs at a time (I found that mine were a bit sweeter than I'd like so I suggest using 1/4-1/3 c. instead), continue beating until stiff peaks** form.
4) Gently stir in chocolate chips.
5) Spoon rounded teaspoons onto parchment lined baking sheets. (I used a tablespoon sized scoop so the ones pictured are larger than they should be). They can be placed fairly close together as they do not expand or spread while baking.

6) Bake for 2 hours. Cool slightly then move to wire racks to cool completely before storing in an airtight container.

Splenda says these have 35 Calories each but my recipe will be more due to the extra chocolate. Lessening the sugar blend will bring it back down a bit.
 

*How to separate eggs

**Stiff peaks

Yada yada yada

A Photo About Nothing

"Monk's" Diner, AKA Tom's Diner

These Pretzels Are Making Me Thursty

Here's a really simple, fun, quick, tasty recipe (What? Too many adjectives?) for an elegant treat. Enjoy them yourself or give as a gift!





Chocolate Covered Pretzels:

Ingredients:
2 Bags Pretzel Rods (I use Snyder's)
1 Bag (14 oz.) Chocolate Wafers
1 Bag (14 oz.) White Chocolate Wafers

Equipment:
2 Tall coffee mugs
Parchment Paper or Silicone Baking Sheet

*Note: When buying pretzels, look for bags with the least amount of broken rods. This is harder than it sounds.

1) Lay out sheets of parchment flat on a counter top where you will be dipping the pretzels.
2) Pour approx 3/4 of each bag of the chocolate wafers into each of the coffee mugs. (In the picture I used bars of chocolate).

3) Microwave one mug of chocolate on high for 1 minute and then for 30 second intervals, stirring (i would use a knife, less messy) at each interval until melted. *Make sure to stop and stir or chocolate can get ruined.

4) Once completely melted, dip pretzel rods into the chocolate, holding the mug at and angle to coat the length of the pretzel leaving an un-coated bit at the end as a handle.

 5) Let excess chocolate drip off then place on the parchment paper to set. 

6) Once done with the first half of the pretzels, repeat this process with the white chocolate. *Be even more careful when melting, white chocolate burns faster and becomes very hard to work with.




7) After all pretzels are dipped, melt the rest of the unused chocolate and use a spoon to drizzle it over the contrasting dipped pretzels.



8) Place in freezer or refrigerator to set chocolate.





* Do not use regular food coloring if you want to color the white chocolate. Either buy colored chocolate or use and oil based food dye. 
**Instead of drizzling chocolate you can decorate with sprinkles or colored sugars.

9) Enjoy!

I didn't mean to have two recipes in a row that would inspire Seinfeld reference titles, but that's what happened and thus, another Seinfeld video clip:

I Mentioned the Bisque...

I am very proud to say that the Recipe Friday icon was created from scratch (no pun intended... I hate puns) by me. I hate pink but because they were on sale, my actual mixing bowls are pink so why not? Anyway, this week I have hand picked an awesome recipe for lobster bisque which I tried and loved [it's been modified from this recipe]. This is saying a lot because I am excessively picky. Enjoy!

Lobster Bisque:
Printable recipe

Ingredients:

• 10-14 oz. raw lobster tail / claws
• 7 scallions
• 1 onion
• 1 carrot
• 1/2 c. butter
• 4 c. chicken stock
• 4 parsley sprigs
• 1 bay leaf
• 4 black peppercorns
• 2 1/2 c. milk
• 1/3 c. all-purpose flour
• 8oz. tomato paste
• 1/2 c. sherry
• 1/2 c. heavy cream
• A pinch nutmeg
• Salt and pepper

1) Cut the lobster tail in half, lengthwise, keeping it in its shell.
2) Chop the scallions, onion, and carrot. In a large pan, melt half the butter, and add the scallions and onion. Cook for five minutes or until soft.
3) Add the carrot and cook an additional two minutes.
4) Add the water, lobster tail halves, fish stock, parsley, bay leaf, and peppercorns.
5) Bring to a boil before reducing the heat to simmer for about 20 minutes.
6) Remove the lobster tails from the stock. After the tails have cooled, separate the meat from the shells and set it aside.
7) Allow the stock to continue simmering for an additional 15 minutes; then strain it through a sieve lined with two layers of dampened cheesecloth. Use a rubber spatula to push the stock through the sieve.
8) While the stock is simmering, chop the lobster meat into small chunks. After straining the stock, puree about half of it in a blender with one-quarter cup of stock and blend until smooth. Set the other half aside.
9) Mix the flour and remaining butter into a paste. Place the flour paste into a large pot and mix in the pureed lobster, tomato paste, sherry, cream, nutmeg, and salt and pepper to taste.
10) Add the remaining stock to this mixture.

11) Cook on high heat until the soup boils and thickens, stirring continuously. [May be lumpy until it reaches a boil.] Reduce the heat and simmer gently for another five minutes.
12) Add the remaining lobster chunks before serving. 


Buon appetito!