When I think back to when I've felt most embarrassed, I found that it was usually related to whatever boy I currently had a crush on. There are just infinite ways to be awkward and embarrassing in front of the opposite sex, I almost don't know why we bother. Almost. My grade in middle school consisted of a whopping 42 students. Not a lot went on without everyone else knowing about it. As I mentioned last week I was the absolute least favorite of everyone else, outside of my small group of fellow
outcasts misfits awesome people. Ah to be a social pariah, hasn't caused permanent ego damage at all or anything. Being so unpopular with the girls carried over to the boys. I figured out early on that any of these boys knowing I had a crush on them was not going to benefit me in anyway and would only result in potential teasing, and humiliation and would be embarrassing for the boy as well, not flattering or enticing. I decided around the 6th grade that I would no longer tell ANYONE, not even my "best friend" which of the 4 or 5 crush-worthy boys I was currently interested in. I knew that girls can't keep secrets to save their lives and no matter how much they promised, they would inevitably tell someone else and then the rest of the 41 kids would know. I insisted that I liked NO ONE! Genius! Right? Apparently this cunning plan resulted in the theory that I was a lesbian. Idiots. But for the most part the plan worked.
Then I went to high school. My town went to high school in the next town over along with a third near-by town. I now got the freedom of an extra 400 classmates to buffer against gossip. Also I thought that being older meant that we were mature enough to keep shit to ourselves. I guess that wasn't that big of a problem but my friends who now got to know which boys I liked also seemed to be easily bored. As much as I knew that telling any of these guys that I liked them, my friends seemed to think it was a great idea and encouraged such aggression. If He's Just Not That Into You had existed back then high school would have been a lot easier. Remember girls, if he likes you, he will ask YOU out!!! High school girls who aren't being asked out by their crushes, think that the reason for this is that they don't know they are.
This worked 0% of my four years in high school. One of these guys, let's call him... Orlando Bloom, after a whole semester of being "totally in love with him" my so-called-friend Danielle convinced me that I should just tell him.
|In my younger days I wore denim skirts a lot.|
|Way cuter than the actual guy.|
I concocted a flawless plan which would have him knowing that I liked him without me having to do it myself and I could pretend that I didn't condone the message. Not that I was there for it so who knows what was actually said to him.
Ok, I am seriously laughing [albeit, quietly to myself] remembering how ridiculous this was. On of my friends had a sister in one of Orlando's classes. And they were in band together and stuff so they were sorta friends. She was instructed to casually mention "so you know Lauren likes you" and then she would report back with what he said so that I would know how to proceed. Like I said 0% success rate with getting my crushes to ask me out.
So now I was mortified. This guy that I had spent weeks being as friendly to as possible I now was unable to face. I changed all my routes in the hallways to no longer cross paths with him. I avoided places I knew he went, whatever would ensure that I never had to run into him. This mostly worked.
One day, my calculations were off. Unfortunately he frequently used the hallway that my locker resided in. I don't know why but there were not a lot of people in the halls at the time. I came out of a stairwell and started to turn down the hallway to go to my locker. Then I saw him walking my way. PANIC!!!! I have never done well in situations like this. I didn't want to continue down the hallway but I didn't want him to see me bolt off in the other direction. So what did I do?
So I'm not a ninja. Should have tried being a pirate instead.
Orlando's not going to be in the new one but here's the trailer anyway.