Mar 9, 2011

How to Shop

Two weeks ago I promised three "embarrassing moment" stories for the next three Wednesdays. Well, not to go back on my word, but I am taking off this week because I have the honor of hosting guest blogger Shannon from ! She was awesome enough to write a story for me to post so that I can take the day off. Fear not, I will be back next Wednesday with another embarrassing moment story unless I come up with another really good excuse (I actually already have one in mind so I think chances are good that it will happen. Okay,  with out further ado, I bring you:

by Shannon

I consider myself to be a pretty honest person.

Mom: Shannon, do you want to do these dishes?
Me: No.

Friend: Shannon, I’d like for you to meet Billy. He’s from California too. Isn’t that cool?
Me: Uh, it’s all right.

Stranger: Hi, how are you?
Me: Sad. My cat’s on her deathbed and I had to take her to the vet. I touched her paw to see if I could get a reaction from her, but she just sat there and purred.  Usually she’ll bite my hand to pieces. I’m so worried!

But there is one area in life that I suck at telling the truth: while shopping.

 “Did you find everything okay?” asks every bright-eyed cashier as I’m checking out.

“Yeah,” I eagerly say to the person who’s handling my macaroni and cheese and my mint chocolate chip ice cream.

I’ll admit it: 78% of the time, my answer to this simple question is untrue. I am guilty. I am bad.

No, I did not find everything okay.

To me, shopping should be like this:

  1. Have your shopping list and pen in hand
  2. Scribble each item off into oblivion once found
  3. Place found item in cart (or, as southerners say, buggy—as if you need to cradle your precious Cheetos)
  4. On to the next item on the list

***No need to lollygag through the aisles looking at products that You MUST Have!!!:

Ever wanted to be a kangaroo? Now is your chance!

Anything Twilight

But if a situation presents itself to me where I can’t find the light bulb on my list that I so desperately need, I’m frustrated. I’m impatient. I’m not one to “window shop.”

I don’t like having to make my short legs unnecessarily walk up and down every aisle three times only to continuously be confronted with this:

And, better yet, there are no employees on the floor to ask where the light bulbs are located. So you have to go all the way up to customer service, ask where the light bulbs are, only to be directed in the same location where you were looking for the past ten minutes.

 Repeat: walk up and down each aisle three times.

So, a few weeks ago, I found myself once again in this situation: “Did you find everything okay?”

The moment of truth finally came.

Do I tell the truth and nothing but the truth? The answer I give can make or break my integrity…or do I give the answer that the cashier is expecting?

After debating in my head whether or not to tell the cashier if I did actually find everything okay, I came to a conclusion.

I would tell the truth.

 “No, not really.”

Feeling victorious in the battle that took place in my mind, I felt a sense of freedom. Feeling confident in knowing that what I said was right, I could only anticipate the kind of response I would get. Would she have me fill out a survey for customer feedback on the quality of the store? Would she give me a deal for the items I was purchasing? Would she confide in me that she, too, can’t find anything in this horribly-laid out store? Would she call her manager over to throw confetti above our heads for being brave enough to say what I had actually experienced? Would she deem me best-EVER customer of the month?

Her grand response:

".................................................................................. Oh.”

As she went on duly scanning my purchases.

I finally found the "light bulb" in my head—cashiers don’t care how your shopping experience went.

For more of Shannon's awesomeness, check out her blog:  Shanimal's Crackers  and follow her on twitter @ShanimalCracker


  1. I know we've only recently met, so I'll go easy on you. ;)
    I used to work at Walmart, and unless I was having a particularly awful day, or if the customer was a royal jerk, I was genuinely willing to help people find things. I'm just an awesome, caring, genuine person like that. :P

  2. lolz! shopping can be therapeutic as well as traumatic. bt seems u hv too much of d latter experience.

  3. Awww, I used to feel scared to ask the guys from the store where a particular item was located. But then I faced my fears :P

  4. True. Good point. They don't care how you'll answer, and they're thrown off when you say "yes, I want help out to the car."

  5. "ask where the light bulbs are, only to be directed in the same location where you were looking for the past ten minutes."

    This happens to me practically every time I visit Home Depot. I hate that!... but I love this post :)

  6. Having formerly been a cashier myself, I laughed and laughed as I read this entry. Here up north, a cashier will rarely (if ever) asked if you've found everything okay. In fact, I was thrown off when I traveled down south once and was asked that question.

    That said, I will usaually ask if they need help finding anything as I greet them, before they check out, especially if they look overwhelmed. Most of my costumers were regulars, and I knew their names and what days they came in. I even knew what some regularly shopped for. :) I guess that's why I'm VERY impaitent if I'm the costumer and I need help at another store. Suddenly, there's no one to be found.

    Okay this?
    Mom: Shannon, do you want to do these dishes?
    Me: No.

    Made me spit out my drink. You owe me a new keyboard.

  7. Thank you! Every time I grocery shop I get asked that question and I always wonder what I can say to change it up a bit. I'd like to say, "Well pretty much, but I don't get why you have to put the refried beans with the Mexican stuff and not with the beans, because a person looking for beans goes to the beans section and there are only BAKED beans and pinto beans and so on and no refried beans, so I have to walk all the way over to the Mexican section, when I can find it and get them there." Just to see what they'd say. Which I suspect would also be, "Oh." :)

  8. Seriously? I always dodge that question because I'm afraid they will get someone to look into it for me and I'll hold up the line and everybody will hate me and for the love of god I can live without it just ring me through!

    Now that I know they don't do anything, though, I might as well just be candid.

  9. Agreed with Tattytiara. Haha. Love this post. Love the kangaroo picture. One word, FUNNY! :p

  10. ahha love the post- ohmygosh that kangaroo picture is hilarious!

  11. Ha, thanks, you guys for reading.

    I'm glad that I'm not the only one out there who thinks that baby-Snuggie-thing-a-ma-jig is odd.

  12. I have 4 kids and would NEVER use that weird Snuggie thing! EVER.

    Fun post! Grocery shopping.... my favorite...

  13. Way around this?
    Have very social kids. My kids are SUPER talkative so the minute I can't find something they're running up and down the aisles yelling for an employee. They (my twin girls)find him and proceed to yak his ear off the whole way to the missing item (they make him escort them there "Can you please SHOW US where XXXXX is?") then corner him and continue to chat him up while I sloooooowly make sure I found what I was looking for. They continue until I call them off- like a German Sheppard (Nine!) They get a pat on the head and dude runs off with his head spinning and a new knowledge of the rivalry between Cinderella and Ariel.
    They are awesome that way.

  14. LOL! I am the one who always have to wait while they change out thier drawers and cashiers. So last time when they asked if I mind waiting a few moments while they changed shifts, for once I said "YES I do!" Ring me up first then do what ever you need to do! I wish I had my camera phone in my hand! The looks on thier faces was priceless and they rang me up right then and there lol!


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